Reflections from Goldmoon
by Quagmire1
Summary: Before Riverwind's return, Goldmoon thinks about what her life has been like without him.


I am Chieftain's Daughter

I am Chieftain's Daughter.I am Goldmoon.

My life has fallen to pieces in the space of a year.Riverwind, _kan-tokah_, my beloved, was sent on an impossible quest.He was to find proof of the ancient gods, embodied in an object.It was my father's way of saying that he disapproved of his daughter marrying beneath her station.He meant for Riverwind to die and hoped that I would find another.I wasn't planning on finding someone else any time soon.But then… my father became ill and I was forced to take over the duties of Chieftain.It was a hard job and I was constantly finding ways to escape it.

I found one.One evening, right after dinner but before dusk, I left my house.It was something I had never done – to leave the walls of Que-shu without my guards – and it was a glorious feeling!I snuck out the back door of my house and scaled the Grieving Wall that lie behind it.I could see the foothills beyond.I set out for them, thinking.

What was I doing?With my life, I mean.I was Chieftain's Daughter, Goldmoon, beloved of Riverwind, the exile's son.But now Riverwind was gone and it seemed he would never come back.My heart and arms ached for him.I cried often.It was hard not to.My life felt so empty.I carried out my duties thoughtlessly and with ease, but my thoughts were always with Riverwind, my love.

I scaled the first hill and sat down on its soft grasses.I looked down at the small valley below me, nestled within the foothills of the plains.There was a small pond there, so simple, so sweet – it made me think of better times.It made me smile.I stood up, intending to walk around the pond, and I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.The sight took my breath away – a single tree stood sentinel on the edge of the pond.It looked blue in the light of the setting sun and the two rising moons.It was one of those moments where I had wished my father were with me – if Riverwind found no proof of the ancient gods that brought on the Cataclysm, this would surely be proof.Only a god could create something that beautiful.I felt drawn to it and I walked down the steep side of the hill.The ground was softer here, and covered with grasses.I didn't bother to hide my trail.As I reached the tree, I began to smell it.It had the most pleasant scent that ever reach my nostrils.I walked over to the tree and broke a small branch off, tucking it in my leather belt.I walked the short distance to the pond and heard a plop.A frog looked up at me from the safety of the water, causing me to smile.If only I could be that carefree all of the time – just jump out of the way whenever threatened – but no.I am Chieftain's Daughter.I have my responsibilities.

I continued to trek around the pond, leaving a trail through the tall grasses that a blind gully dwarf could follow.I smiled to myself.Riverwind would have been able to find it – his was a family of warriors – if only he were here to see it.I wish he were… a tear fell down my cheek.Did I love him?Of course I did.My heart was with him every day… wherever he was.Sometimes I thought of what it would be like without him… if he died… if he never returned… and I cried.There would be nothing left for me if he was gone.Well, not nothing.I would have the leadership of the tribe… But what was that against my happiness?Nothing!Nothing at all.No one truly understood how much I needed him… except for himself, maybe.If he were willing to go on such a quest, an impossible quest, just to have a chance at MAYBE, POSSIBLY marrying me… then he is either crazed or in love.I don't know which was worse.If he was willing to die for me… what would I do if he actually died?What if I saw him… dead?What would happen then?

I was halfway around the pond now.The sun was on western horizon, and the moons were rising in the east, casting an eerie, pinkish golden light over the pond.Remarkable.Something to tell the grandchildren about… I shook that thought away, mentally scolding myself.Grandchildren – now there's a thought.Me – an old woman, sitting next to an old Riverwind… I smiled at that.I couldn't imagine him old and wizened like that.He was too wonderful to be in an old body.I stopped walking just to picture him.He was much taller than I was, but he was thin for a warrior.He had the dark skin of our tribe, only darker from many days in the sun.I remember how he would put his arms around me in the winter to ward off the chill.I always felt so safe in those arms of his.I knew, when I was with him, that that would be the one place I would ever want to stay forever.But it was so cold without him – all I had to catch me if I fell was my pride – a pride born of many years of living as a princess of the Que-shu.And it was this pride alone that kept me from leaving my people in search of him.It was this pride alone that only allowed me to cry in private.It was this pride alone that told me that I should have no weaknesses.But my heart wanted to override that.If I could have one weakness, one flaw, one thing that kept my heart alive… I wanted to be with Riverwind.Forever.

I continued walking, noticing that I was almost back to the tree.The sun had set a while ago, but the lights from Solinari and Lunitari burned brightly.My trail was still visible, even at night.I thought again of why Riverwind was gone – he and his family refused to bow down to my mother at her funeral.They had refused to acknowledge her ascension to the heavens, her becoming a goddess.It was a belief of the tribe – if a member of the royal family died, they became a god or goddess.Riverwind's family refused to believe that.They were cast away, out of the city walls.I was forced to sneak away just to see him.My father didn't want to consider that we were in love – that a princess could love an exile, that a beautiful woman could love an exiled warrior.So he sent Riverwind on the quest.I couldn't believe that.Why would he do such a thing?Because he hoped Riverwind would die and I would find another, that's why.It's hard to love a man when he is nowhere to be found.How diabolical! How dare he!It made me so very angry sometimes… but… he was my father.I had to respect him.But… I guess he had reason for it.He wouldn't want any disgrace to his family.

I was under the tree again.It still smelled beautiful and looked blue, even in the moonlight.I sat down under the tree, my thoughts still dwelling on Riverwind.I said a silent prayer for him and fell asleep under the tree.I could return to my home in the morning.


End file.
